And suddenly Christmas was here! And suddenly Christmas was over!
I hope it was a good season for you, and that you enjoyed an abundance of laughter, joy, generosity, and all the things that make it a magical time of year.
This Christmas was quieter for me than it has been in previous years, which afforded me time for some more reflective pursuits, such as reading. One of the more interesting books I tackled is called, “The Courage To Be Disliked”. Despite its ominous title, it is a very encouraging and optimistic book. Essentially, it is a conversation between a student and his teacher. The student is convinced that people can’t change, while his teacher holds the opposite view.
Without getting into details, and possibly ruining the ending, the wise teacher draws from the research of Aldred Adler, the renowned psychologist and philosopher who lived in the early 1900’s. Adler believed that human beings are shaped less by their past than they are by their future. He once said, “people are not driven by past causes but move towards goals that they themselves set”. Adler was often dismissed by those who followed the writings of his contemporaries, Freud and Jung. Both Freud and Jung believed that we are shaped by our history, and thus the key to a successful life often means going back to traumatic events in our past, healing them, and then moving forward. That idea fuels modern-day psychoanalysis, as in, “tell me about your childhood”.
Adler didn’t disagree that we are all shaped (and at times haunted) by what has happened to us in our lives, but he believed that we make a choice as to whether we remain tethered to the events of the past, or commit instead to our future. He points out that two people can go through the same traumatic event and have different outcomes. One can become stuck, while the other can learn from what happened and use it to catapult them into a better tomorrow. For Adler, we are better served by setting goals for our future and moving towards those goals, then we are constantly revisiting a past that will never change.
Perhaps like many of us, I can see value in both ideas. I don’t think we have to choose between Freud and Adler, between healing the past and embracing the future. There is surely wisdom to be gleaned in both schools of thought. But as we head into 2025, perhaps Adler does have some inspiration to offer for our journey. Consider these other quotes by Adler:
“Meanings are not determined by situations, but we determine ourselves by the meanings we give to situations.”
“The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.”
“Exaggerated sensitiveness is an expression of the feeling of inferiority” (read that one again!)
“We learn in friendship to look with the eyes of another person, to listen with her ears, and to feel with her heart”.
For Adler, the future is just about as bright as we are prepared to make it. So perhaps as we travel into 2025, we can all carry some of his wisdom forward; and be bold, adventurous, have goals, and be optimistic. Or to quote another wise master, “let your light shine! Do not hide it under a basket. Let it shine!” (The Gospel of Matthew)
Happy 2025!
